People. I can be terribly awkward sometimes.
I’m a confident individual but I genuinely find myself cringing at the thought of being in certain situations.
Which is normal right?
I can preemptively prepare for uncomfortable situations. In fact, I revel in them because they drag me out of “the comfort zone” which, I appreciate in hindsight. This isn’t always the case though.
A few weeks ago I walked into a party alone, lone wolf 🐺 (because who needs friends). Within seconds, I felt my usual radiating confidence wither like an autumn leaf attempting to withstand a tornado.
It was a bizarre encounter.
It wasn’t me. I felt nervous! Jumpy jargon invaded my vocabulary. My mouth was dryer than a rice cake. I had been submerged in a pool of awkwardness!
Awkward is defined as:
“causing or feeling uneasy embarrassment or inconvenience”
This was me somehow! I wasn’t being cute awkward but the grotesque, what’s wrong with her awkward.
I felt as though I had made a subpar attempt at socialising! The once mighty Michaela had become an infantile nervous fragment of the confident specimen that once was!
I was so hard on myself. I had to get over it. Once I did I began to reflect on the circumstances.
Let’s break it down
Why did I feel uneasy embarrassment? My feelings were far from justified, I knew these people.
I allowed myself to indulge in the feeling of discomfort. Instead of shaking it off.
The most refined skill I possess is being myself. I understand that nerves can overwhelm an individual and eradicate all remnants of common sense but, all in all, I was being silly.
Awkward in my opinion
I realised that “awkward” is a mental state of being that must be challenged and eventually overcome with detailed precision and elegance.
Acceptance of your unique persona will help you to understand that being you is a beautiful thing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe it or not, you are an individual with dazzling dynamics and accentuating accents that no one can mimic.
You are interesting even if you don’t realise it and there is something quirky and abstractly awesome about you. I hope you realise that, even if others don’t or worse make you feel odd for being you.
If in doubt remember..
If you feel uncomfortable, that may not mean that you are the issue. It may be that the people you’re around suck at being social and aren’t as inclusive as hoped. You know how to make conversation! Don’t stress.
My advice is be yourself and see how it goes.