In hindsight, I’d have said; avoid love completely and enjoy life without the utter, gut wrenching, dismal feeling of heartbreak, for as long as possible.
It’s an ugly feeling that seemingly can’t be shaken. It’s pincers burrow deep into the increments of your cortex causing you to question every decision you’ve ever made in life! How does one overcome heartbreak? I’ll break this down into three simple steps and provide my strategy for overcoming a proverbial cardiac ass whooping that is heartbreak.
STEP ONE. DELETE DELETE DELETE
That’s right. Get rid of any and every trace of that persons existence. They’re no longer part of your universe so why keep reminders? Delete pictures, messages, throw away gifts ( unless they’re expensive, come on now). Delete! Delete it all. Even phone numbers! This is the first step. Abrupt, severe but necessary. Cold turkey of sorts. You need to sever ties in order to start this process. You’re not friends. Delete. (Blocking on social media isn’t necessary, let them see you slay! Shine and be great but no communication)
STEP TWO. Find yourself again
Perhaps the hardest step long term. If they were constantly on your mind or you were with them for a prolonged period of time, there’s a chance you had the rush of dopamine, oxytocin and worst of all, developed a form of dependence to them (which is a primal process more so than a conscientious decision at times). These factors make it difficult to see a life without this individual you’ve developed a bond with (even if the feelings were one sided).
How to deal with this
You first have to maintain distance. Second think about what went wrong, reason with yourself and find resolve. Cry, be angry or whatever but find peace by the end. Come to terms with the reality. Third think about what you will and won’t settle for and ensure that you stay true to it. Finally reassure yourself. You were an individual before that person came into your life, you’ll be an individual after they’ve left. They do not define you.
STEP THREE: Acknowledge your greatness
Honestly, you are so great and now you have time to spend with yourself. Do not get into your head reminiscing about ‘the good times’! NO. Things ended for a reason. Focus on you and the things you like. Funny videos to watch when you’re feeling crap. Video games you enjoy playing, books you like to read, makeup, exercise, studying whatever. Do what makes you happy. I like to dance to music in my bedroom with headphones on!
Sure I’ve dated individuals who didn’t value me or my time. I found that I was making an effort in vain. Then something clicked, I had forgotten who I was. I soon remembered this:
I have never and will never chase after someone who doesn’t want me or someone who isn’t making an effort. I mean why the hell would I want that? If they’re not making an effort, they’re not worth it my dear.
Your value doesn’t decrease because of someone’s inability to see your worth. Wait for what you deserve, you’re extraordinary and remember, it’s their loss not yours.